120: Metacommunication: When What You Said Isn't What You Meant

The No.1 cause of misunderstandings and conflicts!

Communication Styles ( copyright - when cultures collide)

We have heard a lot about communication, but what about “communication about communication” - Meta Communication? Meta communication is a secondary expression of intent that either supports or conflicts with what you’re saying verbally. In other words, it’s the non-verbal message you send when interacting with someone. I describe cross cultural survival as a three legged (culture, context, language) stool. You need at least two of the three legs to be stable, to survive! Cross cultural insights cannot be an intellectual exercise, it needs real life multicultural experience to learn, understand and gain empathy.

Here are a few examples of subtle communication styles that vary across cultures:

1. Indirect Communication: In some cultures, such as India, Japan or Korea, direct confrontation or explicit communication is often avoided. People may use subtle hints, nonverbal cues, or context to convey their messages. For example, instead of directly saying "no," they may respond with phrases like "I'll think about it" or "I'm not sure." or the most famous Indian sideways head shake! Understanding these indirect expressions requires attentiveness to contextual cues and reading between the lines.

2. High-Context Communication: Certain cultures, such as those in many Asian, Middle Eastern, or African countries, have a high-context communication style. In high-context cultures, a significant amount of information is implied and understood based on the context and shared cultural knowledge. People rely on subtle gestures, nonverbal cues, and implicit references to convey meaning. It requires familiarity with the cultural context to decipher the underlying messages accurately.

3. Politeness and Indirect Criticism: Politeness norms vary across cultures, and some cultures prioritize maintaining harmony and avoiding direct criticism. In these cultures, negative feedback or disagreement may be expressed indirectly. For instance, instead of saying "I disagree," someone might say, "That's an interesting perspective" or "I see what you mean, but have you considered...?" Recognizing these subtle cues is important to understand the underlying message without causing offense.

4. Silence and Pauses: The use of silence and pauses in communication can carry different meanings across cultures. In Western cultures, silence is often seen as awkward or uncomfortable and is filled with small talk. However, in some Eastern cultures, such as in parts of Asia, silence is valued as a way to convey respect, show thoughtfulness, or indicate agreement. It is important to be attuned to the cultural context and the significance of silence in order to interpret it accurately.

5. Use of Nonverbal Cues: Nonverbal communication, including gestures, facial expressions, and body language, can vary greatly across cultures. For example, the meaning of a smile can differ from culture to culture. In some cultures, a smile may signify happiness or friendliness, while in others, it can indicate embarrassment or nervousness. Understanding and interpreting these subtle nonverbal cues correctly can prevent miscommunication and misunderstandings.

In an increasingly interconnected world, effective communication across cultures is essential for building successful relationships, whether in personal or professional settings. Meta-communication, can be particularly challenging when navigating cross-cultural interactions. Let us explore various cross-cultural challenges that arise in meta-communication and discuss strategies for overcoming them.

1. Language Barriers: One of the most apparent challenges in cross-cultural meta-communication stems from differences in language. Language carries not only words but also cultural connotations, idioms, and nonverbal cues. When discussing communication styles, norms, or misunderstandings, accurately translating and conveying these nuances can be difficult. Being patient, not pre judging, asking clarifying questions can help. I have also sometimes used the new apple translate app to communicate. However, it is crucial to recognize that some cultural subtleties may be lost in translation.

2. Nonverbal Communication: Nonverbal cues play a significant role in meta-communication, such as body language, facial expressions, gestures, and tone of voice. However, these cues vary greatly across cultures. For example, direct eye contact may be perceived as a sign of honesty in one culture but as a challenge to authority in another. Understanding, adapting, finding common ground to these differences is vital to ensure effective cross-cultural meta-communication.

3. Contextual Differences: Culture influences the way we interpret and respond to information. Contextual differences, such as social norms, values, and beliefs, greatly impact meta-communication. For instance, some cultures value direct and explicit communication, while others rely on indirect and implicit expressions. Misinterpreting or disregarding these contextual cues can lead to misunderstandings, misinterpretations, and strained relationships. Developing cultural intelligence and awareness is crucial to navigate these challenges effectively.

4. Power Dynamics: This is a big one. Power dynamics within a cultural context can significantly impact meta-communication. In hierarchical cultures, individuals may be hesitant to express their opinions openly or challenge authority figures, leading to a lack of open dialogue. On the other hand, in egalitarian cultures, individuals may freely express their thoughts and ideas, even challenging authority. Recognizing and adapting to these power dynamics is essential for fostering effective cross-cultural meta-communication. Creating an inclusive environment that encourages open dialogue and active participation can help mitigate these challenges.

5. Perceptions and Stereotypes: Preconceived notions, stereotypes, and biases can hinder effective meta-communication. Stereotypes about certain cultures can lead to misunderstandings, misinterpretations, and a lack of trust. Overcoming these challenges requires an open-minded approach, curiosity, and a willingness to challenge our own assumptions. By embracing cultural diversity and seeking to understand others' perspectives, we can break down barriers and foster meaningful cross-cultural meta-communication.

Strategies for Overcoming Cross-Cultural Meta-Communication Challenges:

1. Cultural Sensitivity and Awareness: Develop an understanding of different cultural norms, values, and communication styles. Be mindful of cultural differences and adapt your approach accordingly.

2. Active Listening: Pay attention to both verbal and nonverbal cues. Actively listen to understand the underlying messages and emotions being conveyed.

3. Seek Clarification: This is the place where most people fail. If unsure about a particular communication, ask for clarification without making assumptions or judgments. Encourage others to do the same.

4. Build Relationships: Invest time in building relationships across cultures. Foster trust, respect, and empathy to create a safe space for open and conversation. Finding a common path to authentic relationship opens doors to aspects of humanity which have been close to you.